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A Time To Let Go
After years of annoyance, fustration, bitterness and finally an all consuming hatred I think I'm ready to admit I need to refocus my efforts and leave the situation to the Lord.
Since I decided to go back to school and get a BFA in Illustration I had to make a lot of sacrifices one of which was moving in with my mother and my older sister. This wouldn't have been so bad if my sister wasn't such a spectacular mess and my mother being the indifferent enabler that she is. During the time that my sister has lived with my mother she has developed self-defeating "quarks." Basically my mother has allowed my sister's dysfunctions to grow like a maligant cancer, destroying everything and everyone that it touches.
I have pleded, argued and even fought with them individually on multiple occasions to enact change within themselves to better our living conditions. Yet the situation continues. Well I've had it. I'm too tired trying to reason with people who can't be reasoned with. I LOVE my mother and I will always want the best for her, but if I'm being honest with myself she has to shoulder a lot of the blame for this mess. She has the power to change the situation considering it is her apartment, but she chooses to let my sister do as she pleases. I know deep down my mother knows what needs to be done, but because it's hard she's unwilling to do it. Ok fine, she doesn't want the responsiblity of discipling and teaching your kid that actions have consequences, that's on her. She has chosen to live in misery due to decades of poor parenting, doesn't mean I have to.
My sister...where do I even begin? She's basically a 40 year old child with unrealistic life goals whose dependent on others to do things for her that she can do herself. Her problems are two fold: my mother's enabling and her self-defeating actions. For instance if a situation involves some effort which means sacrificing her time and/or her own money she won't do it. Whether it be a chore or life in general, she's always looking for a shortcut--an easy way out. Most decisions she has made as an adult has been painfully bad why? Because it has been motivated by how easy is it to achieve. The easier the better. I'm sorry, but life doesn't work that way.
She's always complaining about having no money...ok I can relate, but the difference between our situations is that she activately chooses NOT to work a normal job. What's her excuse? The jobs I've applied for and interviewed did not want to work with my annoying school schedule whereas my sister has been out of school for a whole year with no commitments that would prohibit her working a normal work schedule.
Her other excuse is she lacks any reliable transportation. Well again, who's fault is that? Life is offen not easy, it can at times require great sacrifice and effort to achieve our goals. If she truly wanted to change her situation then she would take steps to obtain reliable transportation by getting a local job...ANY job and earning money that she can use toward getting a better job. But my point is she is not willing to do the hard things that is required to move forward. This doesn't even cover her irresponsible, self-serving, entitled hoarding craziness that she is allowed to act out whenever the mood strikes.
In conclusion, After reading today's devotion I've finally realized I can't change people. I can't make people do something that they don't want to do. The situation won't end well for all involved, but at this point I can only look on with disappointing sadness and that is truly unfortunate. I will do whatever it takes to move out within the next few months. It's time for me to let go and let the chips fall where they may.
Since I decided to go back to school and get a BFA in Illustration I had to make a lot of sacrifices one of which was moving in with my mother and my older sister. This wouldn't have been so bad if my sister wasn't such a spectacular mess and my mother being the indifferent enabler that she is. During the time that my sister has lived with my mother she has developed self-defeating "quarks." Basically my mother has allowed my sister's dysfunctions to grow like a maligant cancer, destroying everything and everyone that it touches.
I have pleded, argued and even fought with them individually on multiple occasions to enact change within themselves to better our living conditions. Yet the situation continues. Well I've had it. I'm too tired trying to reason with people who can't be reasoned with. I LOVE my mother and I will always want the best for her, but if I'm being honest with myself she has to shoulder a lot of the blame for this mess. She has the power to change the situation considering it is her apartment, but she chooses to let my sister do as she pleases. I know deep down my mother knows what needs to be done, but because it's hard she's unwilling to do it. Ok fine, she doesn't want the responsiblity of discipling and teaching your kid that actions have consequences, that's on her. She has chosen to live in misery due to decades of poor parenting, doesn't mean I have to.
My sister...where do I even begin? She's basically a 40 year old child with unrealistic life goals whose dependent on others to do things for her that she can do herself. Her problems are two fold: my mother's enabling and her self-defeating actions. For instance if a situation involves some effort which means sacrificing her time and/or her own money she won't do it. Whether it be a chore or life in general, she's always looking for a shortcut--an easy way out. Most decisions she has made as an adult has been painfully bad why? Because it has been motivated by how easy is it to achieve. The easier the better. I'm sorry, but life doesn't work that way.
She's always complaining about having no money...ok I can relate, but the difference between our situations is that she activately chooses NOT to work a normal job. What's her excuse? The jobs I've applied for and interviewed did not want to work with my annoying school schedule whereas my sister has been out of school for a whole year with no commitments that would prohibit her working a normal work schedule.
Her other excuse is she lacks any reliable transportation. Well again, who's fault is that? Life is offen not easy, it can at times require great sacrifice and effort to achieve our goals. If she truly wanted to change her situation then she would take steps to obtain reliable transportation by getting a local job...ANY job and earning money that she can use toward getting a better job. But my point is she is not willing to do the hard things that is required to move forward. This doesn't even cover her irresponsible, self-serving, entitled hoarding craziness that she is allowed to act out whenever the mood strikes.
In conclusion, After reading today's devotion I've finally realized I can't change people. I can't make people do something that they don't want to do. The situation won't end well for all involved, but at this point I can only look on with disappointing sadness and that is truly unfortunate. I will do whatever it takes to move out within the next few months. It's time for me to let go and let the chips fall where they may.
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