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What a week!

First we have a war of words between two unstable nutjobs that have access to nuclear weapons. Then our nutjob "president" decides the threat of nuclear war with North Korea and China isn't enough, Trump had to bring up the possibility of an armed conflict with Venezuela.


Remember when all the pro-Trump morons accused the anti-Trumpers/Never Trumpers of overreacting to a Trump presidency and dismissing our VERY valid concerns about his misogyny (possible sexual predator), his racist rhetoric, his mental fitness and his intellectual deficiencies?

I do. Especially when each new day brings about embarrassment, dazzling displays of incompetence, chaos and stomach-churning uncertainty. It's gotten so bad, that my idiotic sister who WAS (heh) a very vocal supporter has now turned against him.

I ask this question, yet again: what will it take for the House and Senate Republicans to do their jobs and remove this orange disaster from office? Will it take an actual nuclear exchange for them to do anything?

I'm not holding my breath. Doing the 'right thing' is a lost concept on most in this country, why would our corrupt and spineless politicians be any different?

And finally, to end this abominable week, one of this country's most vile and disgusting enemy, the White supremacist decides to make an appearance. Re-branded and now known as the alt-right, they staged a marching protest, complete with lighted TIKKI TORCHES, nazi salutes and chants of "blood and soil", "White lives matter," and "Jews will not replace us." The next day one of the neo-nazis KKK members White nationalist/supremacist alt-righters decides to drive into a group of counter protesters, KILLING a young women and injuring many more.

The interesting thing about alt-righters is they don't have to hide behind hoods and blankets anymore. Why? The election of Donald Trump has emboldened them, gave them new life. Why hide, when our very own president appoints members of the alt-right to cabinet/admin positions, and champions their causes. David Duke said it best in his response to a Trump tweet:

"I would recommend you take a good look in the mirror & remember it was White Americans who put you in the presidency, not radical leftists."

I can't argue with that. A good portion of Trump's base are alt-righters (White nationalist) and that is a problem for our country. This can't continue. We as a country can't endure much more of Trump's incompetence, regressive policies and the emboldening of White supremacy. Our worst fears about having a president like Trump are coming true.

Would it be bad form if I shouted to all whom voted for him, "I TOLD YOU SO, YOU BRAINLESS MOTHERFUCKERS!!!" that a Trump presidency would doom us all? 
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I wish I was talking about the post-apocalyptic video game series.

Sadly, I'm not. 

Another temper tantrum has flared-up between two man-babies who have access to nuclear weapons.

Living in California, I don't think I would survive a nuclear strike from North Korea. But hey, there are positives dying in a nuclear war. Let me list some of them:

1) I will never have to pay back my student loans. What a RELIEF!
2) I will never have to hear my stupid sister whining about her rotten teeth again.
3) I will never have to see or hear from the bloated orange pig again!
4) I will never have to deal with those two douche faced web developers.
5) I will never have to pay back my credit cards
6) I can terrorize surviving MAGA/Trump supporters as a ghost. LOL.
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My mom thought it would be nice/appropriate to send my uncle a condolence card regarding the passing of his daughter (my cousin). Each of us will write a message and sign it.

I'm awful at writing/expressing condolences. I don't want to say too much to the point where it gets weird and painful, but I don't want to say too little where it looks like I don't care. Eventually I give up and search google for helpful messages. I don't copy them outright, but they certainly help to formulate my own message.

Anyways while searching for helpful messages I found this site that will sell you a CD full of condolence/sympathy messages for $24.99. Great idea except the writing is horrible! I would never pay a cent for any of these. Here are some of my favorites:

"I am at once sorry and relieved to hear of Jane's passing. Like all of you, I loved and admired her dearly. Few people can be a productive as she was throughout her life. Because she was so bright and had such vitality, I am sure she would have suffered greatly had she lived much longer in her condition. Although we hate to lose her, we are glad she didn't have to suffer long. Sometime in the near future I would like to bring some photos of your mother from our college days. Please let me know when that would be appropriate.
I get what the author is trying to say, but it just comes off as tone-deaf and offensive. Might as well write  "Whew...good thing Jane died. It was getting bad up in here." LOL

"I am sorry to hear that after a valiant battle with cancer your father has passed on. It seems unfair that his illness was properly diagnosed only three months ago and he is already gone. My thoughts and prayers are with his family and friends who must now accept this sudden reality. I hope good memories can help ease the pain of this loss."
LOL. At this point just write "He dead and went quick! Suck it up because the man is a goner" gives the same impression of callous disregard. 

There are more examples on the site that are equally bad. 
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I finally got the news that my cousin died. She was diagnosed with late stage breast cancer around March 2016. She lived a good six months longer than her initial prognosis. We weren't close, but the news does hurt. She fought hard to live and I'm just sad she lost her battle.

This isn't "goodbye." It's "see you later."
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My ex passed away a year ago on the 20th, but I didn't find out until three days later. I found out when his mother angry tweeted something about UCLA Medical Center disrespecting a deceased native's body. When I read the tweet I'm like who is she talking about? I was thinking she was speaking about a fellow patient who was Native American. It slowly dawned on me it could be my ex. So I googled his name and there it was...his obituary. It's rough to see someone whom you cared for very much, have their date-of-birth proceeded by their date-of-death.

I took his death very hard. What helped me was Jesus' forgiveness and Philippians 3:13-14.

"Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

That verse helped to remind me whatever happened up until his death just doesn't matter anymore. The past is gone and I need to move on.

Fast forward a year later and I'm doing well. Time really does heal. Yes, I will always remember him and the day he died, but I continue to press forward with my life.
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I'm in midst of a very demanding and long trial. In my opinion the ending is LONG overdue. Today I found myself searching for old emails that contained eight year-old psychic readings. When I became a Christian I completely disavowed the occult and haven't looked back until now. Of course I deleted those emails long ago, but a part of me hoped that I may have missed a few. I even contemplated contacting said psychics to help retrieve previously deleted readings. I did not.

The point I'm trying to make is I'm losing hope and trust that God will deliever me soon from this long standing trial. Quite frankly I'm just sick of my situation. Despite knowing whatever information is supplied via the occult is going to be half-truths and lies, I was craving something positive that I will get through this. Something that gives me hope for a better outcome. So against my better judgement I sought out those emails.Read more... )
My ex is dead. My past experiences are history. I need to accept it and move-on. No amount of psychic readings and reminscing will change the past nor the future.
nibblezz: (Cute) gums hurt. This may sound disgusting, but I haven't done a proper flossing in ages. Tonight I did and well, my gums are hurting really badly LOL.

Today I was tested. When it felt my anger was going to get the better of me I prayed and read James 1:19. Doing both helped to calm myself down.

I saw a JD Farag post on [ profile] jesusfreaks. Before reading the post, I've briefly watched some of JD Farag end-time sermons. He's a little cooky (in a good way), but his end-time knowledge is very good. Anyways so I watched his prophecy update. I don't think I'm going to be worried/anticipating anything happening in September, but hey like he said the rapture can happen at anytime.

While watching, I couldn't help but wonder if the enemy is using my ex's death and other issues to occupy my time and thoughts while all these things are going down? I'm devoting too much time worrying and obsessing about things that hold no eternal value. Is this the plan of the enemy to kill my enthusiasm for the Lord, steal my time and destroy my soul? To make me waste precious time about non-important things that I leave this earth not fulfilling my calling? It sure feels like it. I need to pray and ask for our Lord's direction.
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Today is exactly one week since my ex passed away. It was a shock and to be honest--unexpected. I always thought he would get his transplants and go on to have a meaningful and happy, albeit abbreviated life. It's now apparent that it was never meant to be.

We broke up about four years ago and did not remain friends. I was filled with too much hurt and anger to continue to have him and his family (namely his mother) in my life. Slowly that hurt and anger turned into an all consuming hatred. Silently in my heart I would wish nothing but evil toward them.

I didn't realize this at the time, but all the unforgiveness I carried for so long started to negatively affect other areas of my life. Up until a few weeks ago my heart was growing alarmingly cold, evil, hardened and distant toward God. I blamed him for a lot of things including the debacle that was my relationship with my ex. I knew my heart was in a very dark angry place, I just didn't care enough to truly seek help.

The days following the news of his passing my heart began to soften to feel remorse, grief, sadness and guilt. Eventually all the hurt, anger, bitterness and hatred began to be replaced with overwhelming sadness, guilt and crippling condemnation. It wasn't until I asked Jesus to forgive me of all the awful and evil thoughts I felt toward my ex, that my heart began to change. The feelings of guilt and condemnation has almost completely faded away. Every now and then I still get sad and teary-eyed when I allow myself to wallow in the past. But when I do find myself slipping I remember this key verse:

"...Forgetting the things that are behind and reaching out for the things that are ahead..." --Philippines 3:13-14

Spiritually, I was suffering from heart disease so severe, Jesus needed to shock my heart back into health. While I never wanted my ex to die, Jesus used what could have potentially destroyed me, into something good. This shock to my heart not only saved my life, but it allowed a spiritual renewal in my life. I'm still waging a war with rogue thoughts of anger and unforgiveness, but since I've let Jesus in my heart I have faith it can be overcome.

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13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself to have attained this. Instead I am single-minded: Forgetting the things that are behind and reaching out for the things that are ahead,14 with this goal in mind, I strive toward the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. --Philippians 3:13-14

After much thought, I've decided to retire this journal. 


Aug. 12th, 2014 01:56 pm
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Yup, that's how I feel.

I submitted the first round of sketches (more like colored comps) for the commissioned paintings. They are so SLOW. I submitted the sketches Friday and now it's Tuesday. I probably won't hear their thoughts until Thursday. With a deadline of October 5th approaching for VERY LARGE PAINTINGS + a MURAL that is NOT a lot of time! School is coming up, meaning my time will become extremely tight.

School starts on the 25th.


I really HATE school. I want it to be over like last year LOL. I just have two more years. UGH. Too long. I had thoughts about just walking away, but then I remember all the hardwork I put in to get into this school. Not to mention I was accepted into the Illustration program. I was asked if I would consider going for a M.F.A. My response:


After the B.F.A., I'm DONE!

Trying to find a workspace with a sink and lots of natural light. No luck so far. All of the so-called art studios that I've found are unacceptable. The price is laughable. I guess for now I'm just going to make do with the storage unit.

So Robin Williams died. Unfortunate. I feel bad for his family. I'm not going get on my moral high horse and condemn this man as "selfish," as some situational hardliners want to paint this tragedy. All I'm going to say is the man must have been in a desperately painful mental state. Suicide is the ultimate act of desperation.

This and other high profile suicides should make people think. Money, status and possessions are nothing without purpose. Solely striving for those things will make you empty and devoid of any meaning.


Feb. 7th, 2014 08:01 pm
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NOOOOO! I got sick...AGAIN! Sheesh. Anyways I finally went to the doctor. I must say the front-office staff is full of fat lazy unprofessional bitches "ladies." The doctor was ok. I wasn't impressed by his knowledge, nor was I disappointed. He seems genuinely interested in my issues. I guess I'll have to wait and see.

School and work are humming along.

I miss Snickers. Sometimes I can't believe it's been four months since he passed :(

That's about it!
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Around 8:30pm last night Snickers passed away. Ironically just one day before his scheduled appointment with the Avian specialist. Oh well that's life. I will miss him terribly, but I'm at peace with the situation. It was his time to go. I feel blessed that God gave us nine years of happiness with him. I'm comforted that his death was instantaneous, no suffering.

I'm extremely sad and tired, I'll post more thoughts and pics later on.
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Pastor Chuck Smith died today due to complications to lung cancer. I'm happy for him that he is in our Lord's presence and no longer suffering, but I'm still sad. I did tear up (at the most inconvenient time mind you) when I heard the news about his passing. I...we all knew it was quickly approaching, but a part of me didn't want to face--admit that a day was coming in where we would be without him. I used to hear him everyday or just about everyday around 3pm on KWAVE discussing prophetic biblical events and bible related questions. I will definitely miss hearing him on the air, he has left a huge mark on the Christian community. He definitely left an impact on my life. Over the past 40 years, he has been responsible for so many coming to Christ and influenced countless others such as Greg Laurie from Harvest Fellowship in Riverside. I'm sure Pastor Smith heard these words upon entering heaven, "‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.'" --Matthew 25:21 ESV

As uncomfortable or morbid as this may be, his death is a reminder to the living that there will come a day when we too will pass away, some sooner rather than later. The question that is presented to us while we are alive is, have we accepted Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior? God has given us every second while we are alive to come to this decision by our own free will. We all sin and come short of the glory of God, Jesus Christ died for our sins, if you place your faith in Jesus Christ your sins will be forgiven and you will be saved. Please, don't let anyone deceive you by claiming being a "good" person will save you. It won't. No matter how "good" you think you are, you still sin and it's that very sin that separates you from God. If you die in your sins (not accepting Christ) you will have a permanent separation (hell) from God (Romans 3:10-18). Once we have passed into eternity it will be too late to accept Jesus Christ (Romans 6:23). No matter how hard the world tries to convince you of alternative spiritual paths, remember we only have ONE life to get things right. Do it now, don't delay because life is not guaranteed--anyone--healthy, sick, young or old can die at any given moment.

If you happened to stumble across this post, it's no accident, God is speaking to you. Do it now!
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Now that Yahoo has acquired Tumblr, it will suffer the same fate as Flickr--a slow and irrelevant death. Nice knowing you Tumblr! R.I.P. old friend :(

FYI Yahoo, purchasing up and coming youth-centric internet brands won't help you become relevant again. Your core services such as email, search and messaging have all gone the way of the dinosaur and no amount of hip and cool internet acquisitions will change that. Please do the internets a favor and just stop. Stop trying to be a middle aged man looking to recapture his glory years by buying a bunch of shiny new things, because it's over for you. It's been over for quite some time. Please accept your reality and die with grace and dignity (or what is left).


Feb. 15th, 2013 11:08 pm
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So my step-mother died about a week ago. When I got the call I was shocked, yes I knew she was in poor health, but no one is really ever prepared to hear someone they used to know died. She was a good person, I never had any issues with her, she was a kind and gentle soul. So when I heard about it from my father, I felt horrible not only for myself but for my father. Growing up I rarely seen him emotional, so when I heard his voice crack my heart broke for him. He expressed his desire to come visit me and my mother soon. I can understand that, especially when you are going through a highly emotional period.
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So I was one of the many Associated Content or "Voices" as it's now known-as, account holders who's information (email and passwords) was hacked from a group that calls themselves "D33Ds". I'm a bit upset with Yahoo and their security oversight.

I've been thinking of disassociating myself from Yahoo (email and related services) for quite a long time, especially considering my primary email accounts are now hosted by Google. Now news of my account being compromised was the last straw. I finally deleted one of my yahoo email accounts. And will be migrating any images from Flickr and my other yahoo email account to Google.

I've also uninstalled YIM since I deleted my Yahoo account. Who still uses YIM anyways?


Apr. 10th, 2010 10:07 am
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So my aunt died after a long battle with diabetes induced complications on March 30th. My mother, sister and I couldn't attend her wake, but we attended her funeral. I hate funerals, it's understandably depressing. After hearing the news of her passing, I cried for a bit and accepted she was in a better place and I was able to move-on. Or so I thought, after seeing her body (it was open casket) at her funeral, it was like reopening an open wound. I know everyone grieves differently, and how someone handles death varies from another, but I honestly believe it was more harmful than good. The last image will hunt me as long as I live. But ultimately it was her wish to be embalmed and have a full funeral and we had to respect it. My friend K has the right idea about not attending funerals (especially open casket) and just remembering how the person lived.

I've always wanted to be cremated, but this event just reinforced my wish. I don't want a funeral or a wake. Just cremate me, if necessary for the healing process call a few of my most dearest and closest family and friends for a private gathering. And in plain casual clothes just talk about my happy moments and how much I loved comic books and drawing and the such. And that's it. Anything more will be an awful waste of money and resources for a dead person. But then again, funerals are for the living.


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